Do you ever sit back and wonder what life would be like if your person was still here?
Do you sit in a shared space with others and wonder what you would be talking about if they were still here?
Do you ever pick up the phone to call or text them and have the realization that they are no longer with you?
What you feel and desire is normal!
When we lose someone close to us it’s virtually impossible to not wonder what our life would be like if they were still here. We encourage you to dream about what life would be like if they were still here.
Give yourself freedom to think about it, grieve the fact that you don’t know what it would be like if they were still here. Grieve the time you lost with them, grieve the vacations you didn’t get to take, grieve the words you didn’t get to say, grieve what might have been.
When we stop pushing away hard feelings or feeling guilty for struggling it opens the door to healing.
We also want to acknowledge that some of you may have experienced your loved one coming to you in a dream or if you are seeing signs your loved one is with you.
There is often a stigma attached to talking about your loved one coming to you in a dream but it is actually extremely common. But we are often afraid to talk about it for fear that we may be judged. Dreams can be a really helpful way for our subconscious mind to process what is going on in our lives. Whether you believe your mind is at work or your person wants to communicate with you, there is healing and hurt involved in your person coming to visit through your dreams.
There are often times you may receive “messages” from your person. These messages can come in many forms and also can bring a sense of peace that your loved one is always with you.
We do want to speak to the fact that not all dreams and connections are wanted or bring us peace. When we lose someone close to us it can be a traumatic experience and our brain does the best it can to protect us from being hurt.
We can experience a range of emotions when it comes to connecting with loved ones that have passed. Some of you may experience intrusive thoughts and flashbacks to the trauma of losing your person.
The goal is to process through these feelings so they no longer have so much power over you. We want to re-wire our brain to not be so responsive to the trigger. I do not want you to think this is easy, actively grieving is incredibly difficult.
We want to share some ways that will help you process these thoughts and flashbacks:
– Write the memories down
-Remind yourself “This is a memory” or “I am experiencing a flashback.”
-Practice your “grounding techniques” or close your eyes and count 10 deep breaths.
-Catalogue things that trigger flashbacks for you. Don’t avoid them, we encourage you as always to sit with your emotions. Reach out to someone in your support system
We also invite you to dream about the future, even if that just means the next 5 minutes. We invite you to wonder what healing looks like and how we integrate all of this into our day to day life. We invite you to hope for what your future looks like and we will talk about how moving forward can include the person you lost. We want to help you integrate them into moving forward with your life.
Please let us know if you need anything
-The Retreat Bereavement team